Feng Jin never found her own home in a strange city, even though she tried, longed, and wanted to chase the light that belonged to her. She was born ordinary, but she also had a deep loneliness. Her loneliness was something that was entangled like the rainy season, never lingering, but always quietly staying in the corner. No one asked her if she wanted to hide, or if she could let herself go. Even so, she still chose to stay in this city, doing things that no one had noticed. Gradually, even she forgot why she lived on this land.
Sometimes she would think that if someone told her, she would live in this city forever, or live in a certain place, until the end. She felt that that kind of life should be lifeless, without having to take off the mask, nor telling the silent secrets in her heart. Her heart was like the old-fashioned bookstore in that small town, with a faint fragrance permeating every corner, yellowed pages, and quiet years. Nothing can break her peace, except the occasional unexpected pain.
Feng Jin’s appearance is the kind that is not easy to remember, belonging to the most common type in the crowd. She is not special, and can even be said to be very ordinary. Every time someone greets her, her name will not stay in their hearts for long. But she always can’t find her shadow in the crowd. Every time she looks at someone, she will quickly lower her head, and her heart is full of uneasiness. That kind of uneasiness is like a sudden wind, and it is impossible to predict where it comes from, and it is unknown what it will take away.
“You are very quiet.” The man once said. Feng Jin did not answer, but continued to lower her head, and even dared not raise her eyes. She was only sixteen years old at that time, and there were too many confusing things in her young years. She clearly wanted to make some changes and clearly wanted to say something, but she was often imprisoned by the suppressed loneliness and could not speak. Just like the wind, although it has always been there, it has never disappeared.
Feng Jin’s love is silent and soundless. There was hardly any intense love that could come out of nowhere in her life. Her desire for love was more of a perception than a pursuit. She liked to stand in front of the window, watching strange faces passing by on the street, but no one ever stopped to look at her. She knew that there were not so many places in her life worth stopping for others, nor so many thrilling moments.
One day, Feng Jin met him – a stranger who seemed to have nothing to do with her. At that time, she was wandering on the street, with some empty emotions in her heart, like a lost moon, unable to find the direction of light. He did not do anything special to her, but just lowered his head and walked past her silently. It was just that moment that Feng Jin suddenly felt that her life was pulled by some force. That feeling, like a long-lost breeze in the years, quietly brushed past her heart, but it was enough to make her heart churn.
That person did not appear again, but he was like a ghost, often wandering in her mind. Feng Jin knew that there was no substantial connection between him and her, and there had never been even a complete conversation. But the exchange of eyes at that moment became the most profound fragment in her memory. Perhaps, this is what love looks like – a silent encounter and a silent miss.
“Are you afraid?” This is a question Feng Jin asked herself later. She was afraid of those irreversible moments, afraid that she had missed many things but could not pick them up again. She was also afraid that she could not really understand the meaning of love, because she had heard too many interpretations of love, everyone talked about it in a exaggerated way, but she herself had never touched the true face of that emotion.
“Everyone’s life is like this, understated.” Feng Jin always thought so in her heart. Maybe love does not need any passionate start, it is more like those insignificant moments, quietly breaking into your life and leaving a faint mark. She could not prove to herself what the person who had passed by on the street meant to her. She only knew that the emotion had never really disappeared, it had been lurking deep in her heart, waiting for the moment to be awakened again.
Days went on, and Feng Jin continued her ordinary life. She lived a dull life, like a leaf floating in the wind, never knowing when she would find her home. Sometimes she would sit in front of the window, watching passers-by hurry by, but suddenly an inexplicable emotion emerged in her heart, as if the image of that person had been engraved in her heart and could never be erased.
“Will what I once had really be the most beautiful memory?” Feng Jin asked herself, standing on the edge of time, looking at the things that had left her. She knew that her life had never really stopped. Everyone has a name that has passed by in their lives, and a relationship that belongs to them. Although they may not have left any light, or even disappeared in the depths of time, they constitute the traces of their existence.
There is no magnificent love in her life, only a series of silent memories, which pass away with the wind and become the softest part of her heart. Feng Jin knows that perhaps some things can never be picked up, but it is these misses and regrets that make her more profound. She kept them in her heart, letting them grow quietly in the cracks of time, like silent flowers, blooming in her memory.