The moonlight was like water, sprinkled on the streets of this city, and the air was inexplicably dull. Li Xin stood in front of the window, looking at the blurred street scene in the distance through the glass. The tall buildings on both sides of the street seemed to be indifferent to people’s hardships and struggles. Only those hurried figures and the occasional flying cars barely added a bit of vitality to this indifferent city.
“What kind of city is this?” Li Xin murmured to herself, her voice was almost inaudible. She didn’t have much nostalgia for this place. She remembered that when she was young, she also had dreams and hopes. Like countless young people, she doubted the corruption of the world and was eager to change something through her own efforts. However, now she understands that all changes are just a joke after all.
A few years ago, she thought she could achieve a career through hard work and walk out of her own world. She tried her best to find the so-called “success”, to adapt to the rules of this society, and to live with confidence like most people. However, as time went by, she gradually realized that she was just a screw in this huge machine of society, and she could never get rid of the established trajectory and could never reach the other side of her ideal.
She woke up countless times in the middle of the night, with those repeated sighs echoing in her ears. She knew that she had already been swallowed up by this city. She had also struggled and tried to adapt to this unfair world by changing some of her habits. But she gave up in the end, because she found that no matter how hard she tried, those who had been marginalized by society would never be able to enter the upper class. Those once warm ideals and beliefs had long been shattered by the iron fist of reality.
Today, she had a meal with her old friend Wang Ning. Wang Ning is no longer the passionate young man, but has become a numb middle-aged man. There is no special brilliance in his life, only endless anxiety and confusion. When talking about the difficulties of work, Wang Ning’s face was expressionless, as if he was used to these repressions and helplessness. He talked about the “dark side” of the workplace and how he kept bowing his head to survive, but could never get to the place he had dreamed of. Wang Ning said: “We are a generation abandoned by society. We have neither family background nor financial support. We are destined to struggle in this world.”
Li Xin listened, and a sense of inexplicable sadness surged in her heart. She remembered that when she was in college, she had that pure ideal and fantasized about what she could do in this world. But now, she is no longer full of fantasy about the future. She knows that she is just an insignificant existence, like a drop of water thrown into the sea, which neither stirs up ripples nor cares whether she exists.
She and Wang Ning talked about work, family, and life, and the topic never changed. All the conversations were revolving in each other’s confusion, and they were all insignificant complaints and self-comfort. Finally, the topic gradually fell into silence, and Li Xin stopped talking. She looked at the water cup on the table, and her tired face was reflected in the cup. She no longer expected anyone to understand, nor did she desire to change anything, but just mechanically accepted this life that was destined to be inevitable.
That night, she returned home alone. Standing in the empty room, she suddenly felt like an invisible ghost, floating on the edge of the city, and could never find her own belonging. She once thought that hard work could change her fate, but she found that fate would not change because of your little effort. She and Wang Ning, like many confused middle-aged people, have long been trapped in the quagmire of survival and cannot extricate themselves.
Li Xin felt a deep sense of powerlessness. She tried to understand what had happened in these years, but she could not see the real answer. She remembered a sentence she had seen before: “Life is nothing but a long disappointment.” She suddenly realized that this sentence was not irony, but a calm analysis of reality. People have gone through so many ups and downs on this road, and in the end, they can only stand on the edge of the endless abyss, look back at the past, sigh, and move on.
She walked to the window, looking at the city lights in the distance, and blurred faces emerged in her mind. The dreams and hopes she had in the past have now been washed away by the tide of time. Those who had persisted and struggled in the past have long been unable to breathe under the heavy pressure of the world. She knew that in every corner of this city, there were countless people like her, walking on the path they set, day after day, year after year, until they finally disappeared in the long river of time.
Li Xin lowered her head and sighed softly. She knew that this city, this society, would not give her anything special in return. Her fate had long been bound by countless rules and she could not break free. And she could only continue to walk and wander on this barren land until the end of her life.